So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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