i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
