Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
