I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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