If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
