i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
