I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
