my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
