Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
