it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
