i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
