Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So many bounce houses so little time
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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