My Higher Power is John Stamos
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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