I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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