If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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