You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
