Please don't use social media to get back at me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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