we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Success! We fucked roommates!
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