His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
