Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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