Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
