I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
