What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
