part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
