How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
