Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
