i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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