well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
