Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I didn't notice because vodka
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
