So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
