Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have already put on my inside pants.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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