bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
