respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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