don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
