my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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