the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
