Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
