Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
that is very illegal...i love you.
His nipple licking is glorious
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