I think scott just propositioned me for sex
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
