woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
