Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
wow bdsm is so cute
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