you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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