thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
