Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
