Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
operation have a gay friend backfired
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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