My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
