Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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