you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
