Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
