white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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