when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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